Remember Me
by Witchytara25
Summary: Draco remembers a lost love
1.

Title: Remember Me  
Author: Honeybunnycw  
Summary: Draco remembers his first love  
Rating: PG for language and angst.  
Disclaimer: these characters do not belong to me. They belong to J.K. Rowling. No infringement is intended. I just want to tell a story.  
A/N: This is my first attempt at posting a story on Fanfiction.net. I usually write Harry/Draco slash. But my girlfriend and a lot of other people who know me have been after me to post something, so here we go. The song is called "Remember me," and is sung by Leann Rimes and is off the Coyote Ugly soundtrack.   
******************************************************************************   
  
_Time, sometimes time just slips away  
And you're left with yesterday  
Left with the memories_   
  
  
Is it possible that it has been 5 years since I graduated from Hogwarts? Since the day I walked away from everything I knew and loved. Has it been five years since I walked away from the place that I felt safest? From the time after I graduated and refused to go to the Dark Side, despite the threats from my father. My father? I think laughingly to myself. How was he ever a father to me? All he did was beat me and belittle me, wanting me to be something I wasn't, which was perfect. All I have are memories of yesterday.   
  
  
_I'll always think of you and smile  
And be happy for the time I had you with me  
Though we go our separate ways  
I won't forget so don't forget the memories we've made_   
  
  
I always will think of you, my first love, my only love. I smile as I think of the first time we ever met. It was in the robe shop before our first year at Hogwarts and I didn't know who he was. It turned out he was "The Boy Who Lived," The Harry Potter. Didn't know that at the time, all I knew was that he looked lost when I started going on about Quidditch and everything else. Then I met him on the train, sitting with Ron Weasley and I was struck by his beauty; later on through the years, he grew quite handsome. I was not supposed to fall in love with Harry Potter, "The Boy Who Lived," because he was not 'approved' by my father. He hated me on sight, I know this now, and I only pretended to hate him for the fact that he was supposed to be my mortal enemy, but I fell in love with him that day on the train.   
  
It was a warm day when he confessed he loved me. He looked at me and said, "Draco, I don't know how you're going to take this, but I'm in love with you. I have been for quite sometime now." He looked so hopeful that day, and all I could do was stand there and gape at him. How long had I dreamt of hearing those words? I couldn't say anything, couldn't do anything but lean down and kiss him softly. We made a lot of memories, him and I. We always talked about forever, that nothing would ever separate us. How young and naive we were. My love, I can never forget the memories we made.   
  
_Please remember  
Please remember  
I was there for you and you were there for me  
Please remember  
Our time together_   
  
  
Please remember me, my love. Please remember all the times that we shared, my love. We always said we'd be together forever, but somehow forever slipped through our grasp. You were there for me when the nightmares came about my father and when I snuck into your room in the middle of the night, shaking and sweating. You held me and told me everything would be alright. Please remember the nights I was there for you when your scar was hurting you, when you had nightmares about Voldemort, when you needed someone to hold you and you turned to me, and I was there for you and you were there for me. Please remember our time together, for I have never forgotten them.   
  
  
_The times were yours and mine  
And we were wild and free  
Please remember  
Please remember me_   
  
  
The times were yours and mine. The Christmas Holidays we spent, together at Hogwarts, up in the dormitory, together. We were wild in those days, weren't we? We tried to christen every classroom when we thought no one was looking. We tried everything in those days, because we believed in forever, and we believed in each other. Remember me, Harry, please remember me. I loved you. I still love you. I will always love you. I never felt this way about anyone since you and I never will again.   
  
  
_Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say  
It's sad to walk away with just the memories  
Who's to know what might have been  
Believe the life and times that we'll never know again_   
  
  
"Goodbye, Draco." He whispered that night, so long ago, in the dormitory our last night at Hogwarts.  
  
"What do you mean, goodbye?"  
  
"Just what I implied. How are we going to make this work Draco? how? Your the son of a Death Eater. I'm supposed to be going and fighting for the Light."  
  
"Harry, what am I supposed to do? Walk away from my heritage, my upbringing? The thing that Father has groomed me for."  
  
"Father?" Harry scoffed. "What kinda father is he when he has done all what you have said he's done to you? He's not your father, he's a monster?"  
  
"What would you know about a Father's love, Potter?" I asked coldly. "you never had one."  
  
"Yeah, that's because your father killed them. Along with Voldemort."  
  
"Yeah, but at least my mother didn't die trying to protect me."  
  
"At least my mother loved me enough to try to protect me."  
  
I slapped him across the face then, hard. He looked at me with hurt in his eyes, because that's the first time I'd ever resorted to physical violence. He looked at me and said with a finality that shook me to the core. "Goodbye, Draco."  
  
There's no sadder word than goodbye, I learned that night, so long ago. I was naive to think that Harry and I could have had forever, but instead we had four years. Four wonderful years and then I ruined it with my mouth. Have I known happiness since then? No. Never since Harry Potter in my life have I been happy. He was my everything and the day he walked out of my life, five years today, it has been impossible for me to happy.  
  
  
_When time was yours and mine  
And we were wild and free  
Now remember, please remember me  
And all my life I will smile  
and time was yours and mine  
and all our dreams were in our reach  
I stood by you; you stood by me  
We took each day and made it joy  
And when I thought our dreams were out of reach  
and we wrote our names across the sky_  
  
  
I remember when we wrote our names in that tree in the forbidden forest. Remember when Snape found out about us? I think that was the only time I remember Snape being speechless. He treated you better after that. Well, after he woke up from fainting. I remember when we were wild and free. I remember these times now and smile, Harry. I smile for you and for me. Am I happy? No. I will never be happy again. My dreams were within reach when you were in my life, for the fact that I had you, and you were the first person to ever love me and see past the sneer and the attitude and love me for me. I stood by you and in you I found my best friend, my soulmate, my lover, my everything. We took each day and you made it joyous for me, and all my dreams were coming true with you in my life. You wrote your name across my heart forever, Harry, and I hope that you remember all the times we shared.   
  
  
_we arrived so fast and so complete  
you stood by me and  
please remember  
please remember.........._  
  
  
You stood by me like no one else. Please remember, please remember as I write this final note to you my love. You were my everything and you left me. Left me and never returned, and with my father long dead, I cannot bear that thought. The thought that you will never return to me. It kills me inside, thinking that you hate me. I write this final note to you, in the hopes that someday you will get to read it. I never did go to the Dark Side after graduation, Harry. I stayed true, as my promise to you was all those years ago. I never followed Voldemort and you know it, because I was on your side, fighting for good, instead of evil. I was the one who killed my father in battle, because he was going to kill you my love. So, see, My love, I did end up good after all. I am not Lucius Malfoy's son, I am Harry Potter's lover. You turned me into something better than anyone ever could've. Please remember me Harry.....Remember me......   
  
  
_please remember  
please remember.........._


	2. Where are you

Title: Where are you?  
Author: Barbara Graf  
Summary: Harry wonders about what could have been  
Rating: PG-13 for slash undertones and mild cursing  
Disclaimer: Not mine, never have been. They belong to J.K. Rowling. I just want Harry and Draco to play together for a while.  
A/N: Thank you all for my nice reviews for Remember Me. Since I'm being begged to do a sequel, this is the sequel to Remember Me. If I get good reviews on this one, I might make it into a series. The song, "Where are you Now," is by Britney Spears and is on the Oops....I Did It Again CD.  
Dedication: To the love of my life, may I never have to ask myself where are you and may I never lose sight on how much I love you.  
**************************************************************  
_Calling out your name   
Your face is everywhere   
I'm reaching out to you   
To find that you're not there _   
  
  
How many times in the last 5 years have I woken up at night, reaching for you, yet finding you not there? How many times have I had the urge to Apparate to wherever you are, but known that it's useless, because I don't know where you are. I'm reaching for you now, Draco. I need you. I may not have known it at the time, but I need you. You are my heart, my mind, my soul, my everything. I wish that I could tell you these things now, but I can't. I'm reaching Draco, but I can't find you.   
  
  
_I wake up every night   
To see the state I'm in   
It's like an endless fight   
I never seem to win _  
  
  
I wake up every night, the same as I went to bed, alone. If anyone could see me now, they would never recognize me; I am not the same person I was when I was with you. It's an endless fight to keep my sanity. It's an endless fight to keep my mind active and working, to keep my mind from turning to thoughts of you, of our time together.  
  
Remember when I first told you that I loved you? You might not, but I do. It was sometime in our third year, we were out on the Quidditch field and we were sitting there, not saying anything. I suddenly just looked at you and blurted, "Draco, I'm in love with you." You couldn't say anything, couldn't do anything but lean over and take me into your arms, kissing me. I've never been kissed like that. You put your feelings into that kiss.   
  
I sigh, trying to block out the memories that have bombarded me. I will never win this fight without knowing where you are.  
  
  
_I can't go on as long as I believe   
Can't let go when I keep wondering _  
  
  
I keep believing that I can find you. I keep believing that you are out there. I am not stupid enough to think that you are still alone after all this time. I can't let you go, Draco. God knows I've tried. The long war with Voldemort, all the killing I had to do, I just want it to end. I want to be back in your arms, in your heart, where I belong. Why do I still believe that you're out there? For all I know, you could've died in the war. For all I know, you could be married, have children, have some other life unknown to me. I can't go on as long as I believe you're alive and I can see you one more time. I can't let go when I keep wondering where you are.   
  
  
_Where are you now, what have you found   
Where is your heart, when I'm not around   
Where are you now, you gotta let me know   
Oh baby, so I can let you go _   
  
  
Where are you, my love? What have you found in all our years apart? Where is your heart? Mine is still with you, where I left it all those years ago when I walked out of your dormitory. We should've never been together, I said that day. I said it was all a mistake. You were Slytherin, I was Gryffindor. I was on the Good side, you were a Death Eater's son. I was destined for great things. You were destined to be Voldemort's right hand. How could we've survived that? I know now that if I would've had an iota of faith in us, we could've survived it. Our love was that strong, or my love for you was that strong.  
  
Where are you Draco? Please, let me know, please, because I need to know. I need to let you go, I have never let you go in all this time we've been apart. You're still a part of my heart, my mind, my body, my soul. I should've believed the promise you made me. I have to let you go, Draco. Please, let me know where you are. I've got to let you go.  
  
  
_I can hear your voice   
The ring of yesterday   
It seems so close to me   
But yet so far away _  
  
  
I can still hear your voice the day we carved our names in the tree in the Forbidden Forest. You looked at me and said, "I believe in us, Harold James Potter, and I promise you my love, on this day, April 7, 1994." You then carved our initials into the tree and looked at me with the most serious expression I have ever seen, looked right into my eyes and said, "Also, I promise you, Harold James Potter, that I will never go to the Dark side, that I will stay to the Light."  
  
I kissed you then and there and the passion that I felt, the love that I felt at that moment, so overwhelmed me that I was speechless. No one had ever promised me so much, and I knew then that what you were promising me was hard for you to do, because you were turning your back on your upbringing, what your Father had groomed you for. You were turning your back on that for me, the one person who was supposed to be your mortal enemy.   
  
Dammit, I wipe away the tears that course down my face, wondering why they are coming, why I am thinking about all this. Why did I let you walk away from me? Why? You seem so close to me, but yet so far away. I need you, Draco Malfoy, I need you here. You seem so close, but yet you're far away from me.   
  
  
_I should let it out   
To save what's left of me   
And close the doors of doubt   
Revive my dignity _  
  
  
I should let this out, and come and find you, come and see you, to save what's left of me, which, since I left you, has not been much. I want to die, knowing what I know, seeing what I've seen. I have to close these doors of doubt, to try and find you, try and see where you are. I need to revive my dignity, what little dignity I will have left after I find you and tell you everything. I need to revive my dignity, or what little I will have left.   
  
  
_But, I can't go on as long as I believe   
Can't let go when I keep wondering _  
  
  
I can't go on, my love, I've tried. I keep wondering, if you remember everything. I keep wondering if you remember the nights I came to you, trembling, sweating, my scar hurting. I remember all the times you came to me, shaking, nightmares keeping you up at night, the nightmares about your father. I can't go on as long as I believe that you didn't die in the war, I know you didn't. I would've felt it, my whole soul would be gone, instead of the half that is already missing.   
  
Remember when Snape found out about us? He fainted when he caught us kissing and then when he woke up, he went and took a shower. First time I think he ever came in contact with soap and water. How can I go on, my love? How? How can I let you go when I keep wondering where you are?   
  
  
_I should let it out, it's time to let you go   
Oh baby, I just want to know _   
  
  
I need to let you go, my love. Its time, but yet, I can't let you go, let you out of my life, I have tried. So instead, I'm walking up the steps of Malfoy manor, hoping against hope that you're here, just so I can see you one last time. I just want to know you're okay, you're happy, you're alive. I hope I'm not making a mistake by coming here. I need to know where you are, my love, so I can let you go.   
  
I walk up the steps, heart pounding in my chest. I knock on the door and want to turn and run. I can't turn and run, however, I have come to far to find you my love. I knock on the door.  
  
***************************************************************   
  
  
A/N2: Cliffhanger, I'm so mean, ain't I? R/R.   
  



	3. Silent Hearts

_So much to believe in  
We were lost in time  
Everything i needed fell into your eyes  
Always thought of keeping your heart next to mine_   
  
  
Where did our love go, Harry? Why did you walk away from everything we had together? Why? Why couldn't you believe in us like I could? I believed in you and I, I thought you did too. I never thought of anything but our time together. Everything I felt, I thought was mirrored into your eyes. You told me I was your heart.  
  
"I love you, Draco," you whispered on so many nights.  
  
"I love you, too, Harry Potter."  
  
I always kept your heart next to mine. I always held you first in my life. You were my everything, and you meant the world to me. I thought I did to you, also. But I guess I was wrong in the end. You always said forever, and I believed you.   
  
  
_But now that seems so faraway  
Don't know how love could leave without a trace  
Where do silent hearts go?_   
  
  
Everything I felt for you, it seems so far away. Has five years passed already? How could you leave me and not at least owl me and tell me that you were alright. I never thought that the day you walked out of my room, it would be forever. I thought you would be back after the war with Voldemort. I thought that you would come back to me, to what we once had, but you didn't. Please come back to me. I need my heart back.   
  
  
_Where does my heart beat now?  
Where is the song that only echoes through the night  
Where does my heart beat now?_   
  
  
I have yet to figure out how my heart still beats. The day you walked out of my life, you took my very being with you. The things you used to do with me, to me, torments me at night. I wake up screaming, nightmares about you coming in torrents. Sometimes they don't come at all, and sometimes they come one after the other. I need you Harry. I need you.   
  
  
_I can't leave without feeling it inside  
Where do all the lonely hearts go?_   
  
  
I've tried loving again. I can't count the number of times I've gone out and gotten a quick and easy fuck. The whole time I've been with them, I've tried to fill the emptiness, but it hasn't worked. Every time I'm with someone, I can't do anything but picture you and me and all the times that we made love. And we did. It was never fucking with us, it was always love. I loved you, and I still do. My heart is lonely without you, and the day you left me, my heart walked out the door with you.   
  
  
_Candle in the water drifting helplessly  
Hiding from the thunder, come and rescue me  
Driven by the hunger of the endless dream_   
  
  
I need you Harry. I'm drifting without you. I'm helpless without you. I never thought that I needed anyone as much as I need you. I'm hiding from the pain that has happened to me. I need to be rescued by you. I need to be rescued from myself. This pain that I am feeling is driving me insane. I have this dream of you and I getting back together, that we will live happily ever after. Dreams are free after all. I am free to dream. All I've ever had is my dreams. My dreams of you and I. It's a dream I have had every night. That you will show up on my doorstep and want me back. I can dream. My dreams of you are what get me through. 


	4. Dream

_Everybody's got something they had to leave behind  
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time_   
  
  
I had to let him go. It was the only thing I could do after graduation because of the fact that the war with Voldemort was starting. I didn't want to hurt him if I died in the battle. Eighteen was too young for him to be hurt by my death. The hardest thing I had to do was walk away and pretend that I didn't love him, didn't want anything to do with him. I loved him more than life itself, but I walked away. I was used to walking away from people, leaving them confused and heartbroken. I was the "Boy Who Lived," the "Boy who Defeated Voldemort before He could walk." It was a heavy burden to put on anyone. Its something I never knew about until I was 11.   
  
I didn't want to leave him behind. I wanted to take him with me, to let him fight with me, maybe die with me in battle, but I couldn't. I tried to protect him, but still, he was the son of Lucius Malfoy, a Death Eater and one of the biggest Voldemort supporters. He was supposed to follow in his Father's footsteps and become a death eater. Instead, we fell in love with each other and he promised me he wouldn't. I don't know if he lived up to his end of the promise because I walked out of his life at age 18.  
  
I regret it now, I admit it. I regret letting Draco Malfoy go. I could've had handled it better, I know that now also. I know that we were meant to be together. But, I couldn't go back and be with him. He wouldn't take me, he would laugh at me. Knowing him, he has someone else. He was too good looking to be by himself for this long. I regret leaving him behind.   
  
  
_There's no use looking back or wondering  
How it could be now or might have been  
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know_   
  
  
There's no use of looking back and wondering what could have been. My destiny was pre-ordained, as was his. I was supposed to fight for the good of the world and he was supposed to be the devil incarnate, the next Lord Voldemort. He was more advanced in the Dark Arts than I could ever have been, and he taught me a lot about them. I've tried to avoid looking back into the past, to the happy times that he and I shared, the first real love either of us had ever had. I loved him, he loved me. He wanted me just to be me and I wanted him to be who I knew he could be.   
  
I try not to think how it could be now. I mean, what's the point? Draco and Harry, the tree in the forbidden forest says. Our names carved forever in the bark of tree. Too bad we couldn't have lasted forever also. I know that I can't live in the past, but I know now what I should have known five years ago. I need Draco Malfoy as much as I need to breathe.   
  
  
_I've never had a dream come true  
Till the day that I found you  
Even though I pretend that I've moved on  
You'll always be my baby_  
  
  
I never had any of my dreams come true until I met Draco Malfoy, because I never knew what dreams were living with the Dursleys. I mean, they hated me and my parents, and I was so happy when Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia died at the hands of Voldemort. Wouldn't people be shocked to hear that from Harry Potter? Alas, it's true. Until I met Draco Malfoy, I wasn't happy, I didn't even know what dreams were They squashed all my dreams. Draco Malfoy was my dream come true.  
  
I have had other lovers since I walked out that day. There are some things you learn in the battles of war and I learned how to fuck them and leave them. They didn't mind, they were used to it, was a war after all and all is lost in love and war. However, every time I was fucking someone else, I was always thinking about Draco. Draco, my first, last and only love. I've tried to pretend that I have moved on, that my heart has healed and that my soul isn't cracked into a thousand pieces. It's not working. I want Draco Malfoy back, I want to be together with him forever. He'll always be my first love, my baby, my everything.   
  
  
_I never found the words to say  
You're the one I think about each day  
And I know no matter where life takes me to  
A part of me will always be with you_   
  
  
I never found the words to say "Wait, I didn't mean what I said, I want you with me forever." I couldn't say those words at the time, because at the time I did what I thought was right. I didn't want him to see what I knew I would see. After all, I saw Cedric Diggory die in my fourth year at the hands of Voldemort, I knew what he was capable of. He killed hundreds, if not thousands, of innocent people, and I did not want my beloved to be exposed to that. I thought that if he came with me, Voldemort would go with him first. I really did.  
  
I've been all around the world since the war with Voldemort I've tried to forget him, to cleanse my soul of him, but I can't. Wherever I go, a part of me is still with him. My love, I have never forgotten him.   
  
  
_Somewhere in my memory  
I've lost all sense of time  
And so my road can never be cause yesterday is all that fills my mind_   
  
  
In my memory of our times together, the time seems to blend together. I always lost the sense of time, because I thought forever is what we would have. I was wrong. I was wrong for leaving him go, and I regret it. God, do I regret it. I want him back so bad, but my heart is too fragile to go to him. I want to go to him, make everything right between us. I have wanted to send him an owl, to tell Hedwig to find him, no matter how long it takes, to send him a letter telling him to come to me. I can't do it. My pride won't let me.   
  
Yesterday is all that fills my mind. All I can think about is yesterday, and all our time together. The good times, the bad times, the fights that we had. We had good times, but not all of them were good. We had our fights, and our fights were bad. But we always made up. We always managed to make up and move on. But, I ruined it. I could say it was all his fault, but it wasn't. It was mine. I take full blame. I want him back, because he is all that fills my mind.   
  
  
_There's no use looking back or wondering  
How it could be now or might have been  
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go_   
  
  
I shouldn't look back, because the past is too painful. I look back and see what might have been and it makes me sad to think of what might have been. I remember when everyone found out about us. After the initial shock wore off of it being Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, everyone was accepting. Well, except for Ron, but he came around eventually and eventually he found love with someone also. And when everyone found out about that one, even I of all people was shocked. Ron and Snape? I mean, come on? I guess love works in mysterious ways, and the last I heard, they were still living together and relatively happy.   
  
I wonder what Draco and I would be like now, five years into the future. Would we be happy? I know we would be together still, because our love for each other ran that deep. I know I should let him go, but I can't, because it means leaving behind the part of my life behind that was the happiest I've ever known. I need to let you go, Draco, but I can't and its not fair to you.   
  
  
_You'll always be the dream that fills my head  
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will  
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget_  
  
  
You've always been the one I dream about at night. You're still the one I dream of. I can never forget you. God knows I've tried. I've tried to leave you go, to let the past be the past, to find a new love, but I can't. I love you still, always and forever. I can never forget you, Draco Malfoy. I need you back, but that's not fair to you either. Yes you will, and you know the power that you have over me. You know that you've always had this power over me. the power to have my love, my heart. I will never forget you, Draco. I need to let you go.   
  
  
_There's no use looking back or wondering  
Because love is a strange and funny thing  
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye  
No no no no_  
  
  
I need to quit looking back into the past. It's not getting me anywhere. Then why am I still trying to grasp the happiness I let slip through my fingers? Why can't I let go of you? Why? Why is it that I'm standing here, on your doorstep, waiting for you to answer the door. Why can't I just tell you goodbye.? Why can't I just turn and walk away. I've tried to leave you go, to tell you goodbye, but I can't. Please forgive me for this, but I can't do this. I have to leave you this note and turn and walk away. 


End file.
